Here's the thing, I'm actually resilient, look for the opportunities when things go sideways, and have the ability to manage many many MANY heavy issues at once.
The truth is my brain does not always produce enough serotonin and it also has been under a constant bombardment of extraordinary stress for 15+ years. Raising medically fragile children puts you into situations that constantly create a flood of cortisol and adrenaline. There isn't a break in this kind of cycle.
We know because of science that when stress is triggered it isn't just your body that goes into fight or flight but your brain gets covered in these chemicals and it impacts your higher executive functioning skills. When you are in real life or death circumstances you need to go into automatic and your body needs to protect you from the threat.
Thing is the brain and response doesn't know the difference between a real-life threat to something that is not actually going to harm you physically so the response is the same.
Being exposed like that over and over in time rewires your brain. We see it every day with people who struggle with things like PTSD, anxiety disorders, depression and several other conditions that deal with the health of our mental state and brain.
In addition to the ongoing challenges of raising kids with unique and complex medical issues, this past year I experienced a traumatic event within my business bounced back and then added more stress by expanding my business.
While a great milestone and one to be proud, expanding the business does come with a new level of responsibility, change, and stress. With it, we also now have a new hierarchy of leadership and some culture shifts that aren't easy for those who have been part of the "old way" because change is hard for everyone and I'm now being asked to manage not just my own feelings but other people as well.
For several months now I have been hard on myself for being "too sensitive" about things or getting angry with myself for not being able to just go with the flow more or letting things go that are out of my control.
That kind of negative judgment is making it worse and the truth is that I'm none of those and it's my brain and how it has been wired and rewired because of my experiences and ongoing challenges I will continue to face.
I can also rewire the rewiring! The first step is being kinder to myself. I'm not too sensitive, my feelings are valid, and I am enough. From there, I can continue to make strides toward shifting to a more positive mindset. I have been doing that already but I just need to keep going.
Keep on writing in that daily gratitude journal, keep exploring the deeper cause to some of my insecurities and working through them, keep up my daily meditation practice, and keep the lines of communication open to those I care about.
This doesn't go away overnight and as there are variables that I have no control over and a long road ahead. If I look at it all at once it is overwhelming. Instead, it's celebrating putting one foot in front of another and sharing the small victories.
My brain has endured 15 years of a constant onslaught of stress and chemicals, there's no way I'm fixing this overnight. I need to remember to be kind to myself and that I'm not over-sensitive, I'm just wired differently!