I'm pretty open. This blog is a testament to that. Thing is I am also very busy and have a lot going on. Sometimes it's more than I want to share. That's okay. I don't have to share everything. I think it's my need to justify my actions or boundaries and thus I have shared a lot with a variety of people.
Thing is I'm finding it too much. I don't want to relive experiences or relay messages or what happened over the week too so many so that they can feel included. That's what it has begun to feel like. People wanting to feel included. Everyone wants to feel included but sharing every detail, especially when it's negative, is exhausting and others feel included but I land up drained and tapped out.
So lately I have been sharing with only a few. The few who either need to know or who I want to talk to or when I have the energy to share. That's okay. I have to keep reminding myself that it's okay.
These next couple of weeks have a variety of "anniverseries" I'd rather live without. I don't have a choice so I'm doing what I can to handle it. I just don't want to have to share it. I'll share it with those that I want.
When you shift or put boundaries into place, people around you will react differently. I'm seeing some of that right now and frankly for some of the adjustment happening its exhausting. I can't hold everyone's hand. Some days I barely manage to keep afloat so saving someone else from their own shit just harms me. The result is me doubling down harder on these boundaries and letting go of guilt. There's a reason adults are told to put on their oxygen mask before children in case of an emergency on airplanes. So that's what I'm doing. I'm putting on my oxygen mask first and I don't have to share everything.