"Mom, I struggle to trust people"- my 13 year old.
I would have loved to have had an insightful and easy answer. Instead I found myself thinking, "yeah, well you come by that naturally". I do trust people ... to an extent. I have an inner circle that I trust with my life, no questions asked, of course and always. It's a very very VERY small circle.
I have no issues with trust or relying on others when I get on an improv stage. All of those lessons on stage have helped me off stage. Of course, this is real life so there are many speed bumps and bruises along this journey. While sometimes I forget to do it, I know relying on others actually brings me strength.
It makes me stronger because I'm not alone and I'm supported. It allows me to make better decisions. It helps me to recognize my own blind spots and interdependence is the nutritious soil to help me and those around me bloom.
Self reflection being what it is and my son's comment made me realize that I'm not fully putting my trust in others and in fact have not done so for a good while. It's because I experienced a very painful snag with people I had come to trust and, in fact ,considered good friends.
Many people throw "friends" around and they mean it. They have lots of friends. I know a lot of people. I like a lot of people. The label "friend" though is something I reserve for an elite few. While it's not my most inner circle, it's the circle that stands right outside of that.
I'm still dealing with some of the fall out from losing several friends or how what was a friendship has morphed into a different classification. There are so many great things that happened as this huge shift in my life took place but there are still ramifications I'm working through.
Right now, I'm taking a big risk and opening up. I have labeled some people as "friends" that didn't have that label before. While they don't know it, I know it, and it's of course scary. It means I'm vulnerable. If you read this blog often you know that's my superpower so I know it's going to be okay. I cannot predict the future. I just have to do my best in this moment.
All of us are better when we practice interdependence. Both on the macro and micro levels. Lives are lived fully when we connect with others. Learning to rely on others brings all of us strength.
I guess if my son were to tell me again he is struggling with trust, I would say this:
"Should you trust complete strangers with sensitive information? No, of course not. However, stay open to the universe and the possibilities it will provide you. When you meet someone and spend time with them, let them in and build trust together. Show them you are trustworthy and you are willing to trust them. Together you will find strength.
Will there be times when you do this and you land up disappointed or even worse, hurt? Yes and that's okay. You'll hurt, you'll learn, and you'll grow. Don't stop doing this. Even when you are an adult and if you choose to be married and have a family, you don't stop growing. You don't stop caring for others and you don't stop wanting to have real connection and friendships. Those will come in ways you never imagined nor expected. Stay open. Engage. Connect. Trust. Your life will be better for it. Remember, relying on others brings you strength."
If you want to take a journey on connecting and learn to become more vulnerable, I am teaching a workshop in June. Join me and together we'll keep growing. Click HERE to learn more.